


Golden (We've got nothing to gain)

by steadyasthestars



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Baby Niall, Boxer Liam, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Model Zayn, Not So Happy Family, Toddler Really, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 02:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steadyasthestars/pseuds/steadyasthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I stood in front of the flashing lights. I could feel Liam's hands on the small of my back. He was so large. His large championship ring flashed in the light. He held me close and kissed my forehead. He had a smile plastered on his face and for a moment, I pretended that all of this was real. It was nice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Golden (We've got nothing to gain)

**Author's Note:**

> So, first time posting. No beta so all mistakes are mine. Listen to Banks EP London while listening to this, either Waiting Game or Change will be good. Hope you like this.

I stood in front of the flashing lights. I could feel Liam's hands on the small of my back. He was so large. His large championship ring flashed in the light. He held me close and kissed my forehead. He had a smile plastered on his face and for a moment, I pretended that all of this was real. It was nice.

I remember when we first met.  
 _“Hi, I'm sorry. I don't do this often. My name is Liam. I uh, I saw you on the runway and, you were great.” He said. I smiled and looked down._  
 _“Liam. Liam Payne, yeah? You're a boxer, right?” I asked and he nodded._  
 _“Good with your hands, eh?” I said with a smirk._  
 _“Yeah, some say I am.” He laughed and looked down. He looked back up at me. Wow. His eyes were deep and brown, and so breathtaking. So warm and they looked like home._  
 _“You, you know, you are very beautiful.”Liam said and I blinked up at him._  
 _“Duh, I'm a model.” I said before I could stop myself._  
 _“No, more than that. You are so beautiful. You are a model for every model.” He said and I laughed._  
 _“That sounded a lot smoother in my head.” He said._  
 _“More smooth. Smoother's not a word, dear.”_  
 _“Man, I've never been too good with words.” He said._  
 _“I think you are doing great.”_  
 _“That's one of us. Uh, I'm gonna get to the point. I'm not good at all of this kind of stuff, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime?” He took a deep breath after he rushed the sentence out._  
 _“Of course.” I said and I touched his face. He blushed into my hand, so warm and pretty. Home._

That was a long time ago. Eight years to be exact. In that time we had adopted a little boy and it was all just, different.

We sat on opposite sides of the limo. Liam was on his phone and I adjusted my collar multiple times.  
“You can fix it all you want, Babe. It'll still be the ugly suit you left the house in.” He said not even looking up. I heaved a loud sigh.  
“Why don't you say what you really mean. You always did have a way with words, Babe.” I shot back. He looked up at me before turning away. I looked down at my suit and adjusted the collar once more before dropping my hands into my lap. I looked out the window. We pulled to a stop and Liam stepped out before me. I looked up at the house. Our house, My Hell.

_Liam stepped out of the car._  
 _“Where are y-” I began. I was quieted when my door opened. Liam yanked me from the car and lifted me, bridal-style._  
 _“Whoa-”_  
 _“Shh. I've got you, Z.” He said._  
 _“Li, What are you doing?” I asked and he laughed._  
 _“I'm carrying you into our new house!” He said._  
 _“Our? Liam, shut up! Our! What?” I asked. He stopped on the front steps. He stood me up._  
 _“Z-”_  
 _“Liam, what are you doing?” I repeated, a bit more serious this time. He dropped down to his knee._  
 _“Z. I love you more than anything. You and I both know that I'm not good at this kind of thing, of expressing myself, I'd rather be hit with a head body combination for three hours straight. I don't know how to make words fit like you do, but I do know that I want to be here with you everyday, so maybe, just maybe I could learn a better way to say, Will you marry me?” He asked. I took a deep breath._  
 _“Li, you will never have to learn a better way to say it. Yes! You Donut! Yes, I'll marry you!” I agreed. I grabbed his hands and lifted him from his knees. He pulled me to him._  
 _“I love you, I love you, I love you.” He chanted against my lips._

“Are you coming, or not?” Liam asked. I opened my door and walked toward the house. Liam opened the front door and I followed behind.  
“Hi, Mr. Payne, Mr. Malik.” Our nanny said.  
“Hi, Lisa.” I replied.  
“Everything went wonderful. Niall was a perfect angel. Like always. I already sent him to bed.”  
“Thank you.” Liam said sweetly. Lisa looked down and blushed.  
“N-no problem, Mr. Payne. None at all.” She said.  
“No really, it is so wonderful of you to do this for us.” He lifted her hand and kissed it. She looked like she was going to pass out.  
“Goodbye, Lisa. Have a nice night.” I said through my teeth. She looked up at me and then down again.  
“Right.” She said. She grabbed her bags and coat and headed out the door. I closed it behind her.  
“Well, that was rude.” Liam said and I looked at him, incredulously.  
“Was it? Was I rude? Well, excuse me. Next time, I'll just wait until you've had a chance to fuck her in front of me as well.” I said.  
“Sarcasm's not cute on you. Among lots of other things.” He said.  
“Let's not do this right now. Our son is upstairs sleeping, and I rather not wake him.” I said.  
“I'm not the one who started this. You're the instigator.”  
“Liam, Please.”  
“Of course, Babe.” He said. He walked upstairs and I sat down on the couch.

What the hell happened?

I sat with Niall the next morning. He had woken up coughing. I lifted him and carried him downstairs.  
“Oh, man, you're getting a bit heavy for me to carry you.” I said to the five year old.  
“Daddy can still carry me.” He said and I laughed.  
“Daddy is built like an ogre. Baba, is not.” I said and he giggled. I looked down at my phone. No calls or messages. Liam had been gone before I had even gotten up. I sat Niall in a chair as I got down a bowl to make him some oatmeal. I fixed his food and lifted him up again. I grabbed the bowl and carried him back upstairs. I sat on his bed with him as he ate his oatmeal.  
“Baba, Where's Daddy?” He asked me after the fourth straight episode of Spongebob.  
“Um, Daddy's training.” I said lying through my teeth. I hated having to lie to him.  
“Oh, okay.”  
“Sweetie, Baba's going to get you some medicine.” I said, standing up.  
“No! I hate that medicine!” He complained. He was crying and stomping his feet on the bed.  
“Niall, Baby stop that.” I said rubbing his leg. “Don't you want to feel better?”  
He shook his head and crossed his arms.  
“Niall...” I said.  
“I want Daddy!” He yelled out. I hugged him in my lap.  
“Daddy can't be here right now. But Baba's here. Shh.” I comforted him. He continued to cry until he fell into a fit of coughing.  
“Shh.” I said rubbing his back. He soon quieted down until all I could hear was soft snores. I sat him on the bed and pulled the cover around him. I got up after a moment and walked into the bathroom to grab the medicine. I pulled out my phone. Still nothing. I called Liam. His phone rang.  
“Hey, This is Liam. Sorry, I can't come to the phone. Leave it at the beep.” He said. The phone beeped.  
“Liam, Hi. This is your husband. Remember me? Yeah. Well I’ve been home with your sick son! Crazy, yeah. When you find the time to think of us, give me a call.” I said and hung up. I sighed and rested my hands on the counter. I took a deep breath. I opened the cabinet and grabbed the medicine for Niall. I carried it back to his room. I sat it on the dresser. Niall was sniffling in in his sleep. I went downstairs and got him a bowl of soup. I brought it back up and sat it beside him. I softly shook him. He yawned as he woke up. He sneezed and I grabbed a tissue. I held it to his nose.  
“Blow.” I said softly. He did so and I threw the tissue away. I held the bowl up to him. He shook his head.  
“Come on, sweetie. Just eat some, it'll make you feel better.” I said and he sealed his lips shut.  
“Niall, sweetie, just one sip.”  
“No!” He shouted. He clasped his hands over his throat and buried his head beneath the blanket. Sore throat. The blanket was shaking. He was crying again.  
“No, no, no. Stop it.” I said and pulled the blanket back. He always got like this when he was sick. He became indignant.  
“Just eat a bit and you can watch Monsters' Inc., yeah?” I asked. He sighed and opened his mouth. I pushed a spoonful inside. He swallowed and opened his mouth again. I got half of the bowl in.  
“No more” He said and covered his mouth.  
“Okay. Just let me give you some medicine.” I said and his face screwed up. He hesitantly opened his mouth and let me hold the little cup up to his face. He drank it and made a face. He puffed out his face.  
“Come on, just swallow it.” I said and he did with a dramatic gulp. I handed him his sippy cup full of juice.  
“That's good. Baba's so proud.” I said and ran a hand over his hair. I got up. I put the movie in and he snuggled in the blanket. I took his bowl downstairs. I sat the dishes in the dish washer and pulled out my phone. The phone went to voicemail, again.  
“Liam, please. Please just come home soon. I'm sorry about the earlier message, I just. Please. I need you home, we both do.” I could feel my throat closing. I hung up and wiped the tears from my eyes. I walked up stairs and snuggled on the bed with Niall.

I heard the door of a car door slam and I lifted my head. I had fallen asleep with Niall. The menu screen of Monster's Inc. was on loop. Niall stirred groggily.  
“Daddy?” He asked softly.  
“Yeah, I think so.” I said and stood. I pulled him from the bed and walked down the stairs. As we hit the bottom, Liam was closing the door softly. Niall rubbed his eye sleepily with his fist before he perked up.  
“Daddy!” He screamed out, the sore throat and sleep making it gravelly.  
“He jumped from my arms and ran toward Liam.  
“Hey, there, Nialler.” He said as he lifted him and spun him a bit.  
“Careful. He's been throwing up a bit today.” I said.  
“Oh, man. How you feeling, kiddo?” He asked. Niall hugged him tightly around his neck. He buried his neck in Liam's shoulder.  
“I missed you.” He said and coughed.  
“Daddy missed you, too.” He said softly.  
“Baba said that you were training, today.” Niall said.  
“Yeah.” Liam said and looked at me. “Yeah, I was training, bud.”  
“Come on, Niall.” I said and grabbed him.  
“Has he had a bath, yet?” Liam asked.  
“No, he's been in bed all day.” I said.  
“Keeping him in bed will make him worse. He will be surrounded by all of those germs. His bed needs to be stripped.” He said.  
“Well, I've been with him all day. By myself. So, sorry, that I didn't get around to that.” I said tightly and Niall tensed up. I took a deep breath.  
“I will give him a bath and strip his bed. I suggest you take a shower before you come say goodnight to him. You're probably disgusting from all of your...training.” I looked him up and down. I turned around and carried Niall up the stairs. I ran some water in the tub and stuck my hand to make sure it wasn't too hot. I took off his clothes and sat him in it. He grabbed the toys that always sat on the edges.  
“Prbrrbrbrbrb” He said as he splashed the boat through the water. The motorboat sound was only interrupted by a sneeze or a cough that was too frequent for my liking. I grabbed a cloth and began to wash him. I put some shampoo on his hair and rubbed it in.  
“Alright, come on. Close your eyes.” I said softly. He did as he was told and I still cupped a hand over his eyes as I poured a cup of water over his head. When I was through I pulled him from the tub and went back to his room. He sat on the floor with his little army men as I stripped his bed. I pulled fresh sheets from his closet and remade the bed. When I finished he jumped onto the bed.  
“Come on, lets get in bed and Daddy will be here in a moment to tuck you in.” I said. Niall stared up at me with his big blue eyes.  
“Baba, can I ask you a question?” He asked.  
“That was a question, dear.” I said and tickled his sides.  
“No, Baba!” He said through laughter. “Another one.”  
“Sure.” I said hesitantly.  
“Do you still love Daddy?” He asked. I took a deep breath. But I had expected this. I thought that Liam and I were doing a pretty good job of hiding this from Niall.  
“Of course, I do.” I said. “I always will. And your dad loves me. And he loves you so very much.”  
“Yeah, Nialler. More than anything in the world.” I turned to see Liam standing at the door. He came over to us and knelt beside me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder.  
“I love both of you.” He reassured Niall and I didn't want to hear. I never doubted that he loved Niall, he would do anything for that boy, but me, well that was a different story.  
“Hey, Baba's going to go take a shower, but Daddy's going to be here to tuck you in, yeah?” I asked and Niall nodded.  
“Go on, get in bed.” I said and Liam pulled back the covers. Niall climbed in and I patted him on the bum. I kissed him on the cheek before I stood to leave.  
“I love you.” I said.  
“Love you too!” He replied and I headed toward the door. I watched as Liam settled beside Niall and he picked out a book.  
Liam may be a shit husband, but nobody could say that he wasn't the best dad in the world.

I stood in our basement with a pair of sweats on. Time to train.  
“What are you waiting, on?” Liam asked. “You're not going to get better just standing there.”  
I sighed and stepped into the ring with him. We had a big blow up yesterday. There was an article in the paper yesterday about Liam being seen with some woman. It was from the day that Niall had been sick. I was infuriated. He was with some bitch while his son was here, crying for him. Liam got mad that I trusted the magazine over him, but how could he blame me?  
I trotted back and forth on my toes. I was so pissed at him.

“Come on, Babe. Got to work off all of those cheesecake's you've had.” Liam joked. I clenched my jaw.

_“Come on, Z.” Liam said._  
 _“I don't know,” I said hesitantly._  
 _“Don't worry, I'd never hurt you.” He pulled me into the ring._  
 _“I know that, you goof.” I said. “But, what if I'm not good enough.”_  
 _“You'll do fine. Hit me.” He said and I aimed a weak punch at him._  
 _“Oh, come on Z.” He said and I punched at him harder. He ducked. He moved back and forth so quickly. I spun to hit him and tripped on my feet. He caught me._  
 _“I thought models were supposed to be graceful.” He said._  
 _“Well, I thought that boxers were supposed to be good strategist.” I responded._  
 _“What?” He asked and I honestly loved that puppy dog look on him. I pushed him down and he landed with a bounce on the floor. He mocked scoffed. I landed on him and kissed him. He pushed up on elbows._  
 _“Maybe this was a part of my strategy.” He said and kissed me again._

I swung at him and he ducked.  
“You'll have to be faster than that.” He said and I moved to his left and hit him in the face, hard. He looked back in shock.  
“What the fuck was that, Zayn?” He asked and I smirked at him.  
“What? Too stupid to know what a punch feels like?” I teased. His face hardened and darkened. He punched me back and I fell to the floor. I kicked at his legs until he fell as well. I jumped on him and hit him in the face and stomach. He rolled over unto me.  
“Get off of me! Get the fuck off of me!” I screamed at him. I hadn't realized that I had began to cry.  
“I can't believe you hit me.” I said in a small voice. Tears were falling. “You said you'd never-”  
He pinned my arms above my head in one hand and I halfheartedly tried to break free. He bent down and kissed me. He stroked my face with the other. I gave in and kissed back. I could feel him moving against me. He sat up and pulled off my shirt and then his own. He pulled off my pants as well as his own.  
“I'm so sorry.” He whispered against my lips. It was desperate and needy and heated and filled with hate and so much more, but I let him do it. He flipped me over and entangled our fingers and I let the tears leak onto the floor.

I stood at the sink in our bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. My eye had began to bruise.

_“Do you ever worry, because he is a boxer. Do you ever worry about him being violent?” The interviewer asked and I looked at her incredulously._  
 _“No, no. Liam's so gentle. He would never. I mean at the beginning, I asked him about it. I even had it looked into privately. My face is what makes me money, you know, I couldn't chance it. But Liam is so spectacular. He is nothing like the guy he is in the ring. He leaves his violence in the ring. This is his job. It does not define him.” I said._  
 _“But, if he ever did-” She began._  
 _“He never will, but if he did, well, let's just say that it will be the last fight Liam has.” I said. She laughed with me._  
 _“I'm a lot tougher than I look.” I said holding up my arm and flexing my small, but very defined muscle. She laughed again._  
 _“Of course.” She agreed. “I know you put him in his place.”_  
 _“I sure do. I'm the one who wears the pants in this relationship.” I said. She raised her eyebrow and I laughed._  
 _“Sorry, I can't. At heart, I just like having someone as big and strong as Liam. He makes me feel safe and he takes care of me. I love him. I could never feel anything but safe with him.” I said and she made a soft face. I looked down and blushed._  
 _“So, what's in store for your family?” She asked._  
 _“Well, Liam and I have been talking, and we wanted to wait to tell, but.” I bit back a smile._  
 _“I have always wanted a baby, and we have been looking into adoption and I think we have found the little baby boy that we have been looking for.”_  
 _“I'm very happy for you.” She said and patted my hand._  
 _“Me too.” I said with a wide grin._

I pulled out the make up and smeared it over my eye.

I walked into the bedroom and saw Liam sprawled out in the bed. I hefted my bag higher on my shoulder and walked out of the room. I tiptoed down to Niall's room. I slowly opened the door. I sat on the edge of Niall's bed and kissed him on the forehead. Tears began to drip from eyes. I took a deep breath.  
“I love you so much.” I whispered into his hair. “My baby.”  
“You're going to leave him?” I heard and I turned toward the door. Liam stood at the door.  
“I'm not leaving him. I leaving you.” I said.  
“Come on, you're not thinking straight. Come back to bed.” He said and began to walk from the room.  
“No.” I whispered back at him. He turned toward me.  
“So, when he wakes in the morning, asking where his Baba is, what am I supposed to tell him?”  
“Maybe I am taking him with me.” I replied.  
“You are not taking my son from me.” He said sternly.  
“Please, Zayn. Come back to bed. Don't be dramatic about this.” He said. I stood up sharply. I stalked toward him and pushed him from Niall's room. I closed the door.  
“Dramatic? You think I'm being dramatic?” I asked.  
“Well-”  
“No! No you do not get to say that. You do not get to run around with other people, you do not get to stay out all night, to hit me and say that I am dramatic.” I said and he looked at me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into our room.  
“I hate you! I hate you so fucking much!” I screamed at him. He grabbed my upper arm.  
“Hey! Our son is sleeping.” He said.  
“Our son? Is anything really ours? We should just end this now.” I said. I took a deep breath. “I'm just going to stay with my mother until we can figure all of this out.”  
“You're not going anywhere.” He said. I collapsed on the bed and looked up at the ceiling and Liam sat next to me.  
“What the hell happened to us?” I asked him quietly.  
“I don't know.” He said and rested his head on his hands.  
“We were so good. It's like we imploded.” I said.  
“What's that mean?” He asked.  
“It means we crumbled.” I sighed.  
“Did you mean it?” He asked after a moment.  
“Mean what?”  
“Did you really mean it when you said that you hated me?” He asked. I sat up and looked at him.  
“No. No I didn't. I don't hate you. I couldn't. But sometimes, sometimes, I wish I could. That would make all of this easier.” I rested my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close.  
“I don't hate you. I love you.” Liam said.  
“Then why? Why do you do all of the shit to hurt me.” I asked.  
“I was scared. I don't know. I'm stupid. You are so brilliant and I thought that you would leave when you found someone better. And it's not like you didn't start losing interest in me.” He said.  
“When?”  
“After Niall came. You started acting like I was nothing. And when he cried, you would push me away. Make me feel so stupid as if I couldn't handle being with my kid.” He said and I looked down at my fingers.  
“I'm sorry. I didn't know.” I said.  
“I'm sorry, I 'm sorry I'm such a dick. Those girls, they weren't anything, They meant nothing. I was trying to fill the void, but they didn't fit.” He grabbed my fingers and intertwined them with his.  
“Only you fit, Z.” He said.  
“You haven't called me Z in years.” I said.  
“I was trying to distance myself.” He said.  
“You're such a donut.” I whispered and he laughed.  
“I love you. I don't want you to go.” He said.  
“I don't want to go.” I admitted.  
“Then don't.” He said as if it were the simplest concept in the world, and I guess, to him, it was.  
“Okay.” I agreed. He kissed me on the head and we sat there. I wiped the tears from his eyes and he did the same. We sat there for the rest of the night until I fell asleep in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the shitty ending. I hope this was okay. Like I said, this is my first time posting on this site, so let me know what you thought. I hope you don't hate me because I made Liam a bit of a jerk, but this was swimming through my head so I had to write it.


End file.
